>I’m self-aware. Am I?

>Oh that elusive ideal of self-realisation. What is that meant to achieve? Why do I need to be self-aware? Who does it benefit? How does it change anything in the future? Surely we should just respect that we each have different points of view and that’s all we need to do? And how do I become self-aware?

Consider this. You are learning how to ride a bike. Your dad tells you how to improve. What you’re doing wrong, how to balance, hold the handlebars and press the brakes. At school you’re learning how to do addition. The teacher helps you understand why you’re not getting the right answer. You try again and wait for a response. At university you hand in the first draft of your dissertation. You’re waiting to find out if you’re on the right path. Each of these situations has one thing in common. You are seeking and waiting for someone to give you feedback.

Why is it then that once you enter adult life and the world of work that you stop to solicit feedback? Not in terms of being able to do the job. Of course you want to know if you are producing work which is of the required standard. But just as important why are you not trying to understand if you are behaving in the desired fashion? Is this an aspect of the job role which is not important?

Some companies insist on 360 feedback surveys for their staff. But that’s not the same. You can dismiss them easily as not being truthful or the respondents not being the right people. But if you manage someone you have the responsibility of making them aware of how they are behaving.

But why do it? Because in life if you want to succeed you have to know how you are perceived, and thereby how you have to improve. I firmly believe in positive psychology and the benefits it can bring. Keeping in mind some prinicples from that school of thought you can achieve amazing things:
– Reverse the focus from negative to positive
– Develop a language of strength
– Balance the positive and negative
– Build strategies that foster hope

If you want this to be a successful strategy you have to be soliciting feedback from the right people. People who are not willing to be nice because of misplaced politics. People who are genuinely interested in seeing you develop and mature. In that respect I’m lucky I have Mrs P, Jim and Joe. Those 3 individuals are my harshest critics and best friends. I can guarantee if I’m doing something wrong I will feel the force of their venom and it will be true. I can’t escape from that. It forces me to act. It forces me to evaluate what I am doing and why I am doing it. I am forced to raise my self-awareness or risk remaining unaware.

Question yourself viciously. Seek feedback from those not afraid to give it. Be adult enough to deal with it. And be bold enough to admit you may not be self aware enough.

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Published by

Sukh Pabial

I'm an occupational psychologist by profession and am passionate about all things learning and development, creating holistic learning solutions and using positive psychology in the workforce.

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