This is a short series of posts where I’m writing about a talk I went to last week on the topic of: The Science of Happiness. It was held by Action for Happiness, and the speaker was Tal Ben-Shahar. In the field of positive psychology, Tal is one of the leading figures of academia, practise and thought leadership.
There is something about someone who understands basic things about audience dynamics before he’s even started the presentation which I enjoy. On this evening, Tal made comment that he doesn’t like to do evening talks because that’s when we should be with our family’s or loved ones and spending time with them. He also said that he was told by the compere that he had to keep the talk short and that the hall was only booked until midnight (the programme was due to end about 8:30 pm).
From there it was just a treat to listen to him talk. He relayed a story about someome asking him what’s the one secret to happiness? He replied, there isn’t one, but three – reality, reality, reality. And this was a repeated theme during his talk.
For me, I loved hearing this. He spoke about the work that’s been done in this field and said that time and again it’s not extraordinary or successful people who are any more happy than anyone else. Instead it’s that there are ordinary people, showing ordinary attributes which help them be happy.
Personal is everything. Perspective is everything. There is no global panacea for happiness. It’s all about you and what sense you make of the world.
He continued by telling us how in children we see the best of what this could be. When faced with hard situations, challenging life options and an unclear future, is when resilience is most important. When people are able to consider the following, they allow themselves to build their resilience and have a better future:
– clear future goals
– being kind to others / volunteering
– an optimistic outlook
– identifiable role models
– physical exercise
There’s a lot to say about that list and to help people understand them better. It’s far from exhaustive but are broad categories that capture a lot of behaviours which are beneficial to individuals.
When he started talking about how our thinking affects our reality, I was agreeing vigorously. If our focus is on what’s not going right, then the solutions and insights we seek are only supportive to that. That only makes sense to me and I’m left saying, of course it does! But it’s one of those obvious statements that sometimes needs stating.
The opposite is also, clearly, true. If our focus is on what’s going well, then the solutions and insights we seek will be in support of that.
Remember, reality is important. If we’re not addressing reality, we’re not giving ourselves the right opportunities to be happy. Answering questions around what’s not working are useful and important. Answering questions around what’s working well help provide optimism and hope.
In part two I’ll talk about appreciation, imperfect people, and psychopaths, all from Tal Ben-Shahar’s talk.