Some Friday Fun

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

“Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

“Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

—–

The manager of a megastore came to check on his new salesman.

“How many customers did you serve today?” the manager asked.

“One,” replied the new guy.

“Only one?” said the boss. “How much was the sale?”

The salesman answered, “$58,334.”

Flabbergasted, the manager asked him to explain.

“First I sold a man a fishhook,” the salesman said. “Then I sold him a rod and a reel. Then I asked where he was planning to fish, and he said down by the coast. So I suggested he’d need a boat – he bought that 20-foot runabout. When he said his Volkswagen might not be able to pull it, I took him to the automotive department and sold him a big SUV.”

The amazed boss asked, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?”

“No,” the new salesman replied. “He actually came in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife’s migraine. I told him, “Your weekend’s shot. You should probably go fishing.”

—–

Jokes lifted shamelessly from http://www.jokes.com

You know when you laugh…

Something for a Friday? Sure.

Perhaps what we need is to share something. Create some… connections.

But, you know, something genuine, and something… fun.

I like playing with the tangible and giving people a glimpse into something else.

It’s what sparks an idea you see. That thing over there.

So, here it is >

You know when you laugh, and you can’t help but do a body laugh? And you’re laughing so hard your sides start to hurt? And you’re enjoying the feeling but want it to stop? And then you think back to that and you can picture the exact thing that made it happen?

When I was 18, we were holding an event at the gurdwara. My good friend Jerry and I were in the car park. More specifically, he was on the bonnet of my car, and I was in the driver’s seat. I thought it would be fun to see what would happen if I accelerated the car from 0-30 mph in the space of 10 metres and brake sharply. It was great. As soon as the car stopped, Jerry started flying into the air. I could see him launch and was shocked at what I was watching. He must have travelled 15 metres before he came crashing to the concrete floor and doing several rolls. He immediately stood up and we both stood there in shock for a moment before we feel into a fit of laughter. Thankfully he had little bruising and a few grazes on his leg. It was awesome.

I love that.

Your turn?

Friday fun: A man survives a plane crash…

A fairly safe joke for this Friday 🙂

A man survives a plane crash in Nepal and starts to wonder to find help and civilisation, but collapses after some hours. He wakes up to find himself in front of a warm fire and wrapped in a blanket.

“Welcome to my home. I found you wondering in the mountains and in need of help. Stay here until you are better,” explained a kindly monk.

After some days of rest, the man wakes one morning and makes finds the monk having some breakfast.

“It is good to see you are well again. You are welcome to stay until you can return to the town. I have only one rule in this house. If you mistreat my daughter, you will face the 3 Chinese Tortures.”

“Hey, you’ve just saved my life. I have no problem following that rule.”

On saying this, the daughter enters the room with breakfast. The man is stunned by how beautiful she is, and immediately understands why the monk made such a comment. That night, the man couldn’t help himself. Not having had sex in some time, and incredibly attracted to the daughter, he made his way to her room and had his wicked way with her.

The next morning, the man awoke to find a large rock resting on his chest, and a note attached to it. It read:

Chinese torture number one. Rock on chest.

The man, confused and befuddled, took the rock and threw it out of the window. On the window was a second note:

Chinese torture number two. Left nut tied to rock.

In mad panic, the man jumped after the rock and landed in a bush. Thanking his lucky stars he read the note, he saw another note on the bush.

Chinese torture number three. Right nut tied to bed.

 

🙂

Add your own in the comments if you want to share a laugh…